By: Katie Runnels
Sometimes life is just not what we expected. It does not feel good. It is hard. In times like these, we need to be flexible with reality.
When the changes in life seem so overwhelming, it is difficult to not revert into old dysfunctional behaviors. Within the last year, I have been in intense transition from a caterpillar to a butterfly. Right now I am still in the cocoon…
My emotional and mental negotiations are in full swing with my spirit and my reality. I know that I have moved forward in so many ways, and as I observe my life right now, it is hard to actually believe it truly is a life that I am living. I am married, I live in the woods, and I have all of my basic needs met. Why am I constantly wanting to revert back to that “little helpless Katie”?
Once on the peaceful river “of life” there is no guarantee that there will not be “bumps” in the water. Adjusting is a part of life. Right now you might be in the same “boat” (so to speak).
Are you waiting for the butterfly? Is the cocoon a little suffocating? I am trying to remind myself that once the butterfly arrives, the butterfly then has its own set of obstacles.
I do believe that the “the grass is greener” at some points on the journey than others, but in reality, the grass never stays green all the time. And the places where the grasses grow change all the time with the passing of each step on the journey.
I don’t pretend to feel “on top” of anything right now. I know that I am not alone, but often I do feel alone. My mind has been spiral staircase leading down to the old me, and I have been gasping and grasping and moving very slowly back up the staircase.
As I write, I realize that without these moments and these challenges, I would never fully appreciate the “sweet” moments of serenity. When I accept that this is life, and I am human, and I might have these same struggles until the day I day, I actually feel a sense of relief. It is the thinking that things will be better in the future that keeps me in a vicious cycle. The future does not exist! It is an illusion. All we have is the present moment.
Don’t count on things changing. That is what I have to tell myself. It sounds cynical, but it is actually liberating. Just accept the present feeling and put one foot in front of the other. Then, maybe you will look back you will see how far you have come. But if you worry too much about some future goal or future feeling…..you might never even take a step.
The sweetness of this life is accepting that that sometimes life is hard. And that is okay. Everything is not going to be okay–everything is okay. Right here. Right now. Breathe it in. Everything is okay. Whatever struggles you are having, whatever wars you are waging with your loved ones, your self, or God, in this moment it is ok. We are drops in the bucket of eternity, and to let our pain become our enemy and wear us out with mental struggle is a simple waste of the space we inhabit on this earth. Learning to “be” means learning to be in every situation. I am preaching to myself here, and I hope it happens to benefit you: if you are sad, don’t try to feel happy. If you are angry, don’t try to feel indifferent. Let yourself feel how you really are in in this moment, and take the next bast step.
This journey is all about perspective not perfection, acceptance not performance, flow and not force. Today, let’s all work on accepting every single little thing in our life–including our own dysfunctional thoughts and behaviors. First let’s accept, then let’s see what happens next. Who knows? We might just forget about our worries…..